After God's Own Heart

Story: Samuel Anointing David, 1 Samuel 16

The story of David that has had the most impact on my life and spiritual growth is the story of Samuel going to Jesse to anoint one of his sons as the next king. The verse (and the context) that has resonated continually and given me strength to overcome an addiction I have had is 1 Samuel 16:7: But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him [referring to one of David’s brother’s Eliab]. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

For many years I was addicted to working out and worrying about my appearance. I wouldn’t miss a workout for anything and was obsessive about eating healthy (to the point it wasn’t really healthy!). I thought I had low self-esteem—and I did, but what that really means is I was constantly focusing on myself.

When I finally came to realize that God is more concerned about my heart than my outward appearance, I developed the desire to want to please Him first before myself or others (especially men, as I was single at that time). I wanted God to be pleased when He looked at my heart. I wanted Him to see a heart that was focused on Him and not on myself.

It certainly wasn’t an overnight transition. I remember running and thinking, “When I stand before God, He isn’t going to tell me, ‘Selwyn, I wish you had worked out more; you are looking a little chunky or flabby’”. He would be more likely to say, “Why did you love yourself more than you loved me?”

It took me quite a few years to learn how to say NO to the constant barrage of thoughts in my head telling me I NEEDED to work out, that I was fat and unattractive. Of course, Satan worked overtime to fill my head with these thoughts. The thoughts still come into my head but not nearly as often, and now, when they do, I ask myself, have I given time to God today? If so, then I can workout; if not, I try to spend the time focusing solely on Him in prayer and/or in His Word.

I can honestly say I am more concerned with my relationship with God now than I am with how I look. It is very freeing. When I look back at that time in my life I do see it as bondage and feel I have been set free—and remember how bad it felt so I NEVER want to go back to that place.

I want to please God as David did. I want God to be able to say that I am a woman after God’s own heart as He said about David in 1 Samuel 13:14 “…the Lord has sought out a man after his own heart and appointed him leader of his people…” when Samuel told Saul that his kingdom would not endure because he had disobeyed God.

I’ve learned through this process that my life is infinitely better when I submit to what God wants for me and not what I want for myself. I know of the abundant life Jesus offers and remember vividly the futility and sorrow of life not lived in submission to Him.

Selwyn